This Blog stands TERMINATED !

when..

When you call,
Life’s most Awaited One,

As “Self invited”!

When Princely arrangings are dreamt,

When neighbors and firecrackers are waiting,
When every joy is just in "hold-on"

To welcome the Duchess to the Mansion;

And you see her,
With No bridal grooming

Already Unexpectedly In…

When she fights with you,

And runs to the kitchen

To gain support from your Mom.

When she holds you tight,

Scaring your pets!!

When she turns naughty,
Finding No one around..

And interestingly, when you were caught,

Concealing that white towel

For feeling the touches of her lips…

Jeezzzz! What the.. is?

Dictionaries failed,

She said “Chaap”,

But I know,
It’s Not, the right word is!

14^th September, 2011- Another date, I have to forget!

01.08.11- 07.08.11: A week of Torments

I am my Mama’s Late Kate! And my excuse is Baade log late mein aate hain.

In spite of my knowledge, I reached C-2, Defence Colony, New Delhi after 9:30. Monstrous office with private security arrangements and some said CCTV! to drag your privacy to Scheol. An abrupt and ad-lib meeting with Mr. Siddharth Luthra (Snr. Advocate, Supreme Court of India), a quick into and I was assigned to my mentor.

Beta! Tum court kese jaoge and I became emotional. Mr. Luthra was asking. Morani’s disinclination to savour thana ka khana and Kalmadi’s lean to represent his constituency were cases of the day. A marathon from office to apex Court then to High court and again working in office till 10:30 was in the normal ‘to-do list’.

No lunch, biscuits in dinner and a call at 5:50 AM saying Ma’am here. Satya! Can you come to office now? I ran quickly as if she is PPO in-charge! Interestingly Mr. Luthra saw me and asked certain things. “I am the only intern here now” was my answer and I was saying Yes! Yes! Yes! inside my heart.

 –Do- is the best expression for Tuesday. 10:40 PM and I left office with my laptop bag on my back and mobile phone on my ears. Excitement!!! A conference at 8 the next day with Boss.  Good times never walk with me for long. It was Wednesday and my sleepless eyes demanded rest inside the court room. I went to the first row to compel my eyes NOT TO but kismet joh kharap thi bhaiya. I was caught by Mr. Anurag Red-eyed! Don’t know why he needed that brown book there!

That night I faced a trial without any counsel representing me. I demanded “opportunities of being heard”… Violation of Natural Justice, I shouted but State was not there to assist me. Initially, I maintained Silence, which is an act of respect to senior rather than a revolutionary tactic but later I pleaded for absence of mens rea but it was No excuse! I claimed certain other defences but my case was not strong enough. Punishment was Sleepless Night and a warning order.

Delhi mein saab Baap hain was my colleagues’ reaction. Baap hoga apna beta ka- I replied. Thursday was no exception. Hard work went on and interestingly I was subjected to joke again that evening. The world seemed to be barbarous and me getting asphyxiated here. Unrest does not mean protests, marches, demonstrations, placards and slogans always. Silence was my protest then. However boss entering library and scolding them gave me the satisfaction of Reprisal.

Wonderful Friday and heavy lunch and heavy cases were the Week End Endowments. Yes! Sunday a day to get prepare for structural adjustments for another twisting week…

Adjustments

..i saw the Capital city in the station when my train insisted “no further”. Though Delhi didn’t offer me bouquet but I gave a smile in return. Soon I realized the city is here to say ‘bye’ to some1 whom I know. Crowd pushed me forward but my baggages were dependent on my muscles. Plot of Bargain! 
Prices: not falsely but inaccurately charged. Sardarji Uncle nodded for Rs. 130 +A little Anguish.

However with Prakashji’s English class, started my internship! Distrust and Intuition made me walk a mile with a card to ATM. Two Photos, Signatures, Left finger impression, college Id, voter Id and don’t you have other identity proof? He asked like constabulary. Take my body and X-ray it now! 
Like Red Indians of America and Black people of Australia, with my baggage, I was trailed to a building and forced to live. Agni! I hate you... after a while ‘you have done enough’, I annexed…  Have to learn AdjustmentS with Zero excuse…

Adjustment: A task that never ends… My Mama says I do but my romantic zests hate it to the core. Be it with open baths or against Arrangements… I call it Death of the imagination- ‘An inability to accept the world in terms, other than the Establishment has set out for you…’ To go for and not to differ... Not to oppose but live with... Withal it was neither Covert Accusation nor Overt Provocation, to act differently rather it was Dilli’s strange way of saying ‘Hello’.

..will ask

Dazed was I,

Tears were running within

But still I was standing Straight!

To give you A Support.

And you were lying on my chest…

Errant beats,

Re-breathing breaths

Flowing feelings

And me, again and again wiping

Those warm tears…

My words,

My legal skills

And me,

Holding your hands will not do today..

You have to go

You have to color those dreamings today…

Yes! I have grownup

But you came upon my childish doings.

You embraced,

You fed me yesterday..

In that little spoon,

There was the taste of the past,

Presence of the care,

And the smell of 15 years old…

I left you

As saying ‘bye’ was hard.

Didn’t say anything

Didn’t complain

Didn’t wish you either.

Dei! I have never prayed.

But if I will ever,

..Will ask for your contentment

..Will ask for your blitheness

..Will ask for your blissful family

And certainly will ask to return,

My childhood with you!!!

For U, my Dei (didi)!

Only changed is..

The Sun is rising
    From where it Always..

The clouds are playing
    With Same game rules..

Birds are chirping
    Still without reasons..

And the Rain is
    Yet irresponsible..

Life is ne’er ordered Status quo!

Many befalling to share at both ends.

Still you understand what I mean

And I make out when you lie.

Things Are as they were!!

But only Changed is..

    Our childish heart,

    Our hope and EXPECTATIONS.

    The genuineness in my laugh,

    The openness in your words.

    The pleasance in answering,

    And the flair for pronouncing “halloooooooo…

…answered “Why?”

Was that wedding card, false?
Were those facebook pics, fake?
Were those stories untrue?
Many Ques.,
Not self centric but caring..
What happened? n Why these tears?

A day
Which I never wanted to see.
Do you know "why I ..."?
To make you happy
And see those smiles..


I danced with the rains,
She got wet..
I felt lonely,
And there she Wait..

But Why this silence,
For 11 long years?

Perhaps she might have answered.
But my questions didn’t gave her a chance..
She might never have replied
But I decided not to compel
I know,
And understand what she meant...
...A hug but more tight than ever before!

not to leave Her again…

Who don’t dress up?
For a Date…
To make it more angelic… more beatific… more cherubic…
Why the nature will be an Exception?


End! Of much waited yearn to Meet
Because here the Rain is...
Nature is appearing with
Bedazing lehenga, Bridal Necklace, Patwa Buti Pendant,
Vintage Earrings, Kundan Mangtika,
Polki Waist Belt, anklets and many other adornments...
And me,
Standing on my patio
Enjoying the Nature's
Romantic love making..


Black clouds, thunders, lightings and cold breezes
I was closing my eyes,
Putting my fingers on my ears,
And at times stretching my hands
To give the rain, a Big hug.

Night drew close
But resisting was I, to get in…
A hot cuppa was long ignored.
Eyes tainted with emotions,
And a heart filled with love.



Suddenly I heard anklets’ jingle-jangling
Appeared antique but fave and well known!
Eh! shoooo.. It’s nearing me.
I turn around.
And what am I, seeing?
Putting aside palls,
A lady in white…
Clothes damp..
No make-ups and unattended hairs…
...Slow her motion was,
Or Impatient was I?


But why?
Why Is she here?
After so many years..
Why she returned, today? What is left now?
Many ugly questions for the beautiful lady!
But I didn’t utter a word!!


Both standing like unknowns,
No eye contact though.
Silence is on Maintenance!
Water Drops from her brow
Were reaching her breasts..
But inert, was she!
May be life made her accustomed to,
Or simply she doesn’t care…


Tears from her eyes
Was distinctly 'distinct-able' from rain.
I was openmouthed,
And She!
In the stance of Submission…
"Ye bhi koi jeena hai, sirf aansoo pina hai..."

All at once it started raining
A fragrance from the soil..

Peacocks mewing..
Butterflies emblazoning greens..
And a few drops sweetly touched me!
Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!
Worriedly she wiped  my bare shoulders
With her soft red chunri.
But soon she held back.
(as it made me more wet as her rag was wet)
No! No! She screamed..
Perhaps she linked herself with that rag..
Unwittingly making my life wishy-washy…


She tried heading for the hills
But I hold her tight.
For the first time though,

But not to leave Her again…

its lyk..

Some loved

A flower with aroma !

Others loved

Even Without !!

One loved

A plastic made up !!!

Are u crazy? I shouted. For God’s sake! how can it be? ..Its lyk loving some1 who can ne'er understand u... Its lyk loving without expectations... Its lyk being out of mind... Its lyk loving a flying bird in the blues... Its lyk making out with zephyr... Its lyk bedded with waves... Its lyk stargaze... Its lyk going weirdo...  Its lyk being gaga... Its lyk being dupe... Its lyk being belly-up... Its lyk dating Kate... Its lyk blueness in apple... Its lyk unjustifiable felo-de-se... Its lyk offer of betrayal  to self... And its lyk being me…

Who I am to be?

What’s the point?

In clicking ‘like’ on popular quotes,

In clapping for Big-names.

What’s so great?

In being Active for ‘self upbeat’.

Go! Go beyond !

Beyond obvious,

Beyond self-aggrandizement,

Beyond calculation,

Beyond showy stunt,

“Abnegation”- precisely the word is!

Keep

Not only promises

But expectations.

Understand

Not to misunderstand.

If it is, it is..


I fright not to the world,

But myself.

Not my disability,

But for which, I stand...

Good! Great! Genuine!

Kudos, they were
But humbly, i asked
Who I am to be?

Night

Not Clock and never Dinner!

My Night comes slowly
      With lights switching off.

Night ne'er affrights me

Rather is concerned and plunked for..

Night dates with my imaginings,
      When the world sleeps

Night listens me muttering,
      Kuch kuch hindi gane

Night is witness to
      My pillows taking bathe in tears..
      Me talking to moon..

      And And yes! me recalling words to put down touches..

Night, Not just a night to me.

Nox, she is!

She cares and really cares..

She tried to make me sleep,

When taj' was weeping

Sitting on those marvel stairs.

She wished many good things,

                For my duckie'

                When my dreams were my foes.

She tried lessening the distance,

              Between Me and Myself'
              Though I resisted initially..

Night assured and insured me,

May sleepless, my nights be,

But a dulcet sleep will be ensured to Sum1'.

I wish True, it be..

If silence is not comprehended,

Words can never be. 

But here was no silence,

And no Political speech either. 

Slow and soft,

But Yes! Words they were.. 

You named it,

“Robotic Verbalism”

But kvetched

When ‘hurry up’ was enounced. 

Though Penal Code never penalizes,

But “Not Understanding”

Was the charge. 

 “I wish true, it be..”

I gave tongue to in my heart

But opted,

Being charged.. 

@Akgun Istanbul, am detained..

aaaaakrosh

..understanding ur tones

But don’t kno

Why my independence is always oppugnd?

“India WAS nt ready”

Is easy 2 say.

Sum questiond “is” factor!

..agreed u hav still

Sum slugs,

But yesterdays blood

Was Bolshevik..

@m in incertitude

Abt Genuineness of winter dew

But stars campaign 4 moon

Was, Yes! Legitimate.

And prof.'s gud God’s blessings

Was tangible!

Napkin is nt Wasted,

As sauce is still there to evident

But absence of that

Might hav made a day

Strange 2 say

Ur’s!

I heard wat I wantd 2..

I saw ur fishy eyes,

Took heed ur doubting mind,

Marked ur disturbed heart,

Really, Kitni pagli hai tu??

Sach much…

Can’t bear

Me, standing with Taj..

Talking to winds,

Staring at sky,

Cuddling green,

And Fondling snow…

U came,

…wanted me 2 listen sth.

But u fumed.

And went back again

May be irresistible,

Was my bizarre love towards nature.

U didn't tell
But the fray (b/w u & nature) tattled,

And I heard what I wanted 2…


...Saying 'thank u' will be formality, now!

LISTEN Me

Listen Me! Listen Me!!

Don’t be agitated

Listen Me!!!

I have witnessed the reality

This is crusade for justice

Don’t brush off aspirations

Listen Me!!!

Accept ‘right to determine destiny’

Listen the beats of Kashmiri

Era of burning Leviathan is gone

Listen Me!!!

Redefine Sedition

Grow up Indian

This activist writer calling

Listen Me!!!

poem

Poem is not stringing of knotty lyric

Poem, a respite of a never-say-die mind..

Poem, not an equation of bed and break up

Poem, an Issue of exults and whims

Where flamboyance is truant

Where imposing of one is shunned

There live my poem..

Poem, not a spermatozoon for love genesis

Rather verbalism of giving up..

Not the royal coquetry

Not the war whoop

Severance of a soil mansion

Writes my poem.

Yes! My poem is not vermilion

Who will perish on someone’s absence

…this is anklet of that angel

Who will charm in its tinkling tune…

World forgets

But my poem remains witness

Once again to aver, remind and reprise

Last nights’ retention and flavor..

Gaucheness and thrill..

Touch and wounds…

VC answered VC

If they would have talked on phone, it would not have cost much but they talked publicly so state government had a spend lakhs on security, KIIT got a chance to host another VVIP programme, media persons had to take a pain and more importantly my dear Kanad had to lose 10 precious hours.. :P 

Ya! I am talking about the visit of His Excellency the Vice President of India and the Former Vice Chancellor of AMU to KIIT University and Kalinga Institute of Social Sciences (KISS).

Preparing a question was the reason for my waking up early 2day. US misapprehension that “Islam as the next ‘ism’ is confronting the west and it is replacement of cold war with a new competition” (contrary to what the view taken by the Asst. Secretary of State in 1992) was inner voice of my question with substantive link with Indo foreign policy. How good or ugly my question may be but deprivation of a micro-phone forced me to write this post.

Soon I reached and occupy the balcony seat; I realized we were nothing but “numbers”. I recalled to have argued with my friend yesterday evening that ‘”words” can’t personify an individual’ but have no option but to agree silently, when we were counted like chattels.

I was a little disturbed; when the VP said, ‘I am here to listen “you”…’ because inside the Box Office, “you” was not plural as if there was monopoly of wisdom. Questions were framed by the vice chancellor, who decided- who will exercise his/her right under Article 19 before the mute mass. So, it is indirectly the questions of a VC to a VC/VP, who was given those questions beforehand. But unfortunately “I am not a Biotech man” was the preparation.

It may be violation of any privilege or stepping out from the cl. 2 but I may be excused as the expectation were high, as his articles published in the Hindu and the Frontline are simply superb.

A blush

Smile and blush

Though definition and distinction

Are still strange to

Swapneel…

But ppl say

His blush …bolta hai..

+++++++++++++++

Same expression

Is called blush 2day

And ppl around yell

Dude, u r changed****

++++++++++++++++++

He tried sth different.

But Mood kyun off hai?

Was nxt ques.

++++++++++++++++++

Deliberately scaled down

Calls and chats.

But waits for a sms.

I have seen

How BSNL msgs irritates him…

+++++++++++++++++++ 

In night dreams,

He is never alone these days…

Quietness is termed

As ‘Change’, by his mum.

But blush,

Is the only reaction…

++++++++++++++++++++

Poems, I marked

With changed theme,

Commented in his blog.

But J

Is the response

I believe this as electronic blush..

+++++++++++++++++++++

He complains and

unlikes (fb mode),

When ppl tease

But never say

‘He hates’

+++++++++++++++++++++

Dada ki kabor? I asked

Again a blush…

I shouted,

Man! u r in love.

He quietly asked

What is love and

What is blush???

+++++++++++++++

Silence!

Was my answer

As counter question

Is tough

To handle…

++++++++++++++++++++++

His love towards ‘sky’ is never doubted.

But he denies

I don’t know

Why?

Let …giv it a name.

Within books, I c sum1

Closed it,

And opened again…

Found dat sum1, still der!!

Closed my eyes,

Bosomed dat

Pages tore;

Still am happy

As (…)might b feelin gud…  

********************************

Book title is 4

Impressin readers…

As, except a few, most go by title n cover…

Curious! if sum1 open unnamed

And white cover

is kitab ko, ek dil ki talash hai..
Let sum1 give it a name*

And write her name behind it

Saying: It’s her…



N.B: Hey ppl i don't mean, wat i say...

hiStory

Every past is not history!

Depends which part you want to write and read,

In your (history)book…

Tearing pages from my diary,

Necessarily does not rub mental footprints

Though materially nothing is in existence now…

Shift+delete+enter

And you don’t find it again!

But heart and mind have no such option to go for…

Waves and wind tried to erase;

History of mankind remained unchanged

But my history quietly obeyed it…